tired

tired...that pretty much says it all for me right now. every year during tax season there is a point when I crash...sometimes it's earlier in the season...sometimes later. inevitably it happens somewhere around March 1.

the first of March marks the filing deadline for farmers. our practice is made up of A LOT of farmers. seeing how we live and work in an ag based community. don't get me wrong I love farmers and all they do for our community. it just means there's a lot of work to get done and little time to get it done in.


every year I mentally prepare for tax season. replaying what happened last year. why did I hit the wall...what were the specific circumstances that sent me over the edge...how can I change to avoid this or that this season...what can I do to keep it from happening again...


but every year I GET TIRED. and man when I'm tired I am nobodies friend. I get irrational. I get emotional. I get impatient. I start feeling sorry for myself. it's ugly people let me tell you.


everyday (except Sunday) I get up at 5 am. I'm usually at the office before 7. I go home for dinner somewhere around 5:30 or 6 and then I'm back at 7 for a few hours. it doesn't seem like that many hours but 12 hours of having your brain "on" is grueling. at least it is for me. it wears on me. at this stage of the season...six weeks in...I often question my career decision...along with a lot of other things...


i picked up a book this morning and read this passage...


"When you run ahead of Me, the Lord impressed on my heart, you end up doing what I've asked you to do in your own strength rather than Mine. Instead of being cloaked in the sweetness of My Spirit, your efforts are cloaked in your flesh. And sometimes, my dear daughter, your flash ain't that easy to receive."


and it hit me (I can be a little slow sometimes)

...every year I try to make through tax season...what am I going to do differently...how can I keep that from happening again...what can I do better...

it's just not about what I can do...God has put me here and He will see me through. God has blessed us with an amazing opportunity to be part of one of the best firms in eastern oregon. when am I going to learn to let God pull me through instead of trying to make it through on my own strength. He put us here on purpose...He's not just going to walk away.

"Be confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" Philippians 1:6

(I should pause to tell you that I wrote part of this entry before I went to church tonight...and now I'm home finishing it...)

if I ever doubted that God speaks loud and clear..after tonight I could never doubt again...so I read that passage I mentioned earlier from "Having a Mary Spirit" by Joanna Weaver this morning...

tonight at the close of his sermon my pastor says..." Who's in charge of your life?" "Will you continue to run ahead and try to do things your way or will you let God lead and do things His way?"

do you think God's trying to tell me something here?!?!??? I almost fell off my pew...

my pastor came up to me after service and told me that he would be praying for me this week. this week often the worst week of tax season for me. such a huge encouragement from a man that I deeply respect.

God is real. God is active. God is love. And He IS with us!!