Mirage

I read this post over at Giver's Log tonight. 

Her points one and two were of particular interest to me.  And more specifically the underlined portions.

1. Life is tricky when you’re a capable person.


A very wise friend taught me this one. (This friend, by the way, is a super capable mother of six.) The problem is, when you’re competent, you know how well you could play every part in your life. Your pantry could be organized, your dinners could be delicious and interesting, you could show up with warm chicken noodle soup at the door step of anyone who needs it, then go home and have a meaningful phone call with a friend. But as you are picturing all this, you neglect to notice that all those things take not only competence, but hours. Lots and lots of hours. So unless you want to make an organized pantry your life’s work (and let me just say I think that is a worthy goal), it’s okay to let your standards drop a little. It’s okay have a partly organized pantry.

2. “You can have it all, just not at the same time.”

This lesson comes from Tina Seelig, Stanford Business Professor and author of What I Wish I Knew When I Was 20. After saying the above, she goes on to quote two other very wise women:

“[There is no such thing as a balanced life, or perfection.] I’m adamantly opposed to a balanced life, because that’s back to perfection and I’ve already told you there is none. Then you are perfect so therefore you can’t possibly stay in this state. That’s not possible. There’s always going to be something that happens. You’ve got a big project at work, your kid’s sick, you’ve got to go home to your parents. I don’t know what it is, but something’s going to happen. What I’m saying is, learn first of all to consider balance over a longer period of time, and secondly, just catch it before it hits the floor. That’s all you really have to do. You know, if you haven’t been home for a while, go home, and don’t think about work when you’re there. If you didn’t study for one subject, get on it.” –Carol Barts.

“You’re work life is really long, and your kids are little for really only a short time” –Sandra de OConnor.

I read the entire post and then proceeded to "share it" on Facebook.

Can I get an "Amen Sister"?!

And just so you can clearly understand the context for my next comments...I am a perfectionist.  I expect it from myself and from closest to me.  I can't even honestly say that I'm a recovering perfectionist.  And also just so we're all clear...regrettably being a perfectionist is not the same and being perfect.  If it was I would be the picture of PERFECTION. Believe me when I say I am NOT perfect.

On the positive side it is the part of me that drives me to "get things done".  On the negative side it causes me a lot of stress and anxiety.  I know this about myself. I can clearly see it manifesting itself in my daily life.  However,  changing it would be akin to asking a short person to "will" themselves to be taller.  It's just me.  I didn't become a perfectionist.  Nope...no tragic accident, no childhood trauma, no poor home life, nada...I am just "bent" that way.

Over the Christmas holiday this year I was sitting at the dining table in my parents' home along with both my parents, my youngest brother, Kory, and his girlfriend, Amber.  My parents' were revealing what we were like as children to Amber (It was her first Christmas with our family).  As we were laughing about the funny things we did as kids the topic of discussion turned to bedtime routines.  Kory was infamous for sneaking out of bed to watch TV.  Then the comment was made that I never slept (also very true)  Kory chimed in with, "...you were just in your room making lists."  So you see it has always been in me. 

In order to combat or rather dilute the effects of this "bent" I have been on a quest the past couple of years to live a more "balanced lifestyle" or more accurately find balance in the life that I am actually living.  The concept of balance has been as illusive as a desert mirage.  And honestly in and of itself has become a source of frustration.  Just another thing to "perfect". 

Balance is unattainable for me.  Why is that you ask? 

Because as Carol Barts so brilliantly states, “[There is no such thing as a balanced life, or perfection.]"

There I said it...Balance does not exist.  In a vacuum yes.  In real life not so much. 

To sustain balance presumes that I am able to completely control all aspects of my life at the same time, every single day, all day long.  It CAN NOT be done and I am tired.

She also quotes from "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Steven Covey “ Remember, frustration is a function of our expectations, and our expectations are often a reflection of the social mirror rather than our own values and priorities.”


My unrealistic self imposed expectations for myself are killing me.

To kick off the new year I am effectively "throwing in the towel" on this whole "balanced living" thing.

Here's to being just slighly unstable, letting the chips fall where they may, being yourself and trusting that the Lord will faithfully lead and bless through out the year!